LOVE marriage vs ARRANGED marriage

I’ve got one question still hanging in my head, waiting to explode with uncertainty. I must confess that I’d regret it for the rest of my life, if I fail to hit the correct decision. And it happened during my breakaway last Sunday.

You see, my adopted family told me that they’ve got this girl whom they like so much. Well, their son, whom is my best buddy, is just 23 year old, and this girl is 25. They’re making jokes about me being engaged with her.

LOVE MARRIAGE or ARRANGED MARRIAGE? Which one do I believe?

Certainly I am a modern man living in a modern world and taking modern philosophy of the modern life. I wouldn’t want an arranged marriage. It’s just not right. No! I forbid it!

I’ve not seen an arranged marriage yet which ended up happily ever after. Yes, you could say your grandparents have had an arranged marriage, but that was so yesteryear. We are talking about now. We are talking about the condition that we’re living in NOW.

At the end, I just shrugged off and told them that I wasn’t interested with the idea of spending the rest of my life with somebody I am not familiar with. Do I make a bloody stupid decision? For all I know, she might be SITI NURHALIZA in disguise, trying to find a good man like me (ehem.. errr.. hehe!).

So, I succumbed to my ego and now waiting painfully, hoping that the girl they were talking about was not my SITI.... (fingers cross)

I've been "MATRIXED" and reloaded....

I am speechless, I am delighted, I am honoured, I am happy, I am elated and most of all, I feel I have just got a bunch of cyber-friends which are cool and fantastic. Thanking you guys for wishing me my 27th birthday. Though we haven’t met, you guys’re just like my brothers and sisters. You guys are just wicked! Totally! Sorry that I couldn’t thank you earlier because I was having book-signing ceremony on THURSDAY and FRIDAY.

Having said that, I’d like to thank my Imaginary Friend (IF) for writing those two days journal. I must say it was quite a refreshing info on my part although I couldn’t recall being asked the last question... but anyway my IF have done a very good job. Salute IF! And in this occasion I’d like to assure you all that this IF cannot be purchased via Internet or phone and is not available in the market. IF is much better than the NEOPET. But you have to ask IF yourselves if you need IF help... (** A very big smile on my face, and IF is blushing now hehehe... sorry IF, only jokin'.....)

If you want to contact IF though, you can use this email add, errr... later dudes (because I could see now IF is threatening to kill me with IF’s machete.... so errr I guess you have to get the witch doctor for help in order to get IF’s address, then... he he err...)

I’d like to tell you guys about the book-signing ceremony and my four days experience there. So much to tell but my energy is not there. Not on this Monday. I am so tired beyond words.

So let me take my rest first and we’ll get back to business tomorrow! I PROMISE.

John is tired.
John is in cluttered world of his own.
John is in coma.
John is hallucinated.
John is mental.
John needs to recognise that today is Monday and no more fans surrounding him in the office.
John needs to start doing the overloading jobs (since he left the office on Wednesday).
John needs to call DAVID BLAINE or DAVID COPPERFIED to help him disappear on Monday so that nobody could find him and hence could not give him more jobs!
John needs to warp on to the real world and leaves the MATRIX world immediately!!!

I could not sent my real birthday cake to each and every one of you. I don't know your address.. Probably if I see Santa Claus later this year, I'd use his service to deliver the cakes.. Till then, I hope you'll be happy to receive this birthday cake!
Till the time comes.. ta ra!

An Exclusive Interview with John Norafizan

If one were to conduct an interview in one's own blog, it would seem as if the 'interview' was nothing more than a monologue. But since it's me, John's invisible friend, who conducted the interview a few days ago in anticipation of today's entry, it shouldn't sound so weird.

So yeah, I managed to pick the brains of our 'young' writer here who is, ironically, an engineer by profession. Engineers are often thought of as stoic and emotionless, so John's sucess with this novel has, in a way, transcended stereotypes. Anyway, I won't say too much more - here's the interview! Enjoy, John fans!

Invisible Friend (IF): To start off, why not tell the readers a little bit about yourself
John Norafizan (JN): I am 27 years old, living on my own, still a bachelor..hehe .. and I consider myself a modest person, happy go lucky and adventurous.

IF: Describe Sempadan Tanpa Seri in 20 words or less
JN: Here it is in two - unique and magnificent.. heheh

IF: What got you to start writing?
JN: A passion for good stories probably. It started to develop when I first joined some e-groups on the web. There were many good stories written by amateurs and I liked to read every one of them. It strucked my mind that if these people could write so well, why couldn't I? And basically, Sempadan Tanpa Seri was written in that manner. I started by sending the first chapter to one of the egroups in November 2001 until June 2002. Then in October 2002 I finished writing it and only then that did I have the nerve to send it to one of the top publishers in Malaysia. The rest as you can see, is history.. (*smile*)

IF: When did you realise you had a flair for writing?
I guess when people started sending me emails and told me that Sempadan Tanpa Seri (during the internet-released version) was really good.. (*smile again*) But honestly until now, I don't even know whether I have that so-called gift of writing good stories...

IF: What motivates you to write?
JN: Encouragement from my dearest mum.. and then friends (*smile*)

IF: Do you make yourself sit and write, or do the words just come and you write whenever, where ever?
JN: I write whenever and where ever, but with ONE condition - I must have a computer/laptop with me. I couldn't teach myself to write paper first and then transfer them to computer, that doesn't work for me. I still remember one time when me and my mates having a dinner in a restaurant. I brought my laptop because I had some ideas about what to write. People kept looking at me as if I was an alien with a laptop. I felt embarressed but satisfied because I managed to finish one chapter during that time!!

IF: What keeps you amused?
JN: CM4! I can play hours and hours and even days without feeling bored...heheheh

IF: What's the best and worst thing about being a writer, and also having been published?
JN: No worst thing yet, but the best thing is during book signing ceremonies where people who you don't even know congratulate you and tell you about how they really love Sempadan Tanpa Seri. It makes me feel kinda proud. And
friends keep asking for writing tips ... you feel so appreciated!

IF: What's the most common misconception about being a writer?
JN: That they (writers) are daydreamers and they don't contribute anything to the development of the world. Take the case of Sempadan Tanpa Seri, I think at least two readers came back to me and told me that they are now at Salford University (where the takes place) because of the book. And they are taking an engineering course, which presumably means that they will be engineers after they graduate. And they are so many people were touched by the story line itself.. so more or less you are actually contributing something to the readers.

IF: How steep was your learning curve in writing this book?
JN: 45 degrees!!!!

IF: What are your immediate future plans?
JN: Writing my third novel hehehe

IF: You are one of the few local writers who are now also bloggers (Nazmi Yaakub, of Enmiya, is another). What is
your opinion and current uptake & impression on the blogging phenomenon?
JN: I think it is really good in a sense that you are making new friends and at the same time you are developing your writing skills whether you know it or not, whether you write your blog in English or in Malay. Plus you've got to learn something new like web designing and stuff. In a more direct way, Blogging is cool!! (**Very Broad smile*)

IF: You have a day job. How do you find the time to write?
JN: 5.30 PM until 1 AM is my writing time. Beyond that, no.. except on Saturday or Sunday.

IF: Writers who write in Malay are sometimes labelled as 'Mat / Minah Sastera.' Your comments?
JN: I cannot deny the fact that many readers tend to label writers who write in Malay as 'Mat/Minah Sastera". It is true in a sense that nearly 90% of Malay books out there are not up to people's expectations/standard. Or they just write same
love stories over and over again. The trick is to put love as an extra spice but question of life and death as the main ingredient.. like Titanic.. and that is what i did in Sempadan Tanpa Seri..

IF: Any final comments?
JN: I believe many readers out there are more comfortable reading Jeffrey Archer, Nick Hornby, Stephen King and the like. But you should try reading Sempadan Tanpa Seri. It has an international flavour if not the standard, and you'll find it worth every penny. The only Malay novel of its kind....

IF: And what's this I hear about you having 8 ...
JN: No comment (rushes away from the scene of the interview)

So there you go, people, an interview with John Norafizan the writer, exclusive to Clutterworld. brought to you by your friendly neighbourhood invisible buddy. I might be back tomorrow, and then again I might now.. I have to give the keys to this place back to John soon *sigh*

Anyone with questions for John, perhaps? Maybe we can include them in another interview.. a Part Deux, perhaps, if I ever get the chance to play here again! Till then..

When the cat's away, the mice will play...

Hello. I'm John's invisible friend. And while he's living it up in the hotbed of action and glamour that is Kuantan, I've finally been allowed to come out and play around with his blog. I am allowed to write what I want for two whole days - four if I behave! Before you skeptics start laying into me, honestly, though, I am his invisble friend. He talks to me, and I believe sometimes he even laughs at my jokes, but no one can see me while he is talking to me.

Honestly.

Not kidding.

Really.

Anyway, when he finally thought I was ready to be exposed to the world, he told me to sort of 'guest write' for him while he is to be away. So I did a quick surf around other people's blogs and found out that Sarini recently guestwrote for docteejay, and she began her postings with a 'Dear Doc'. Somehow, if I were to begin this posting with a 'Dear John', it may paint a different picture altogether!

And so we reach this conjecture where I have said most of what I've got in my (invisible) head, and not quite know how to proceed. Since our mutual friend John here is a writer, why don't we talk about writing?

Writing, to me personally, is more than just a simple medium of communication. It's the best way for me to get what I have on my chest out in the open. I often have thoughts just rumbling through my brain, like a little runaway train not quite sure which track it's supposed to be on. Some of these thoughts I keep to myself, and others I try my best to share with others so that it all goes out of my brain and not bother me any more.

Of course, not everyone wants to hear what you want to say, and those who do sometimes don't really see things the same way you do and subsequently judge you for it, so after a while you learn to either not care about what others think, or just shut up. I don't quite agree with the shutting up thing, because I think everyone has a story to tell. What makes the difference is how we tell it.

John here has told his story - and people all over Malaysia have read it. It is quite a writer's dream to be published, I must say. To be able to share a piece of your mind, your thoughts, your imagination with the world, and if you're lucky, even have others appreciate it. Heaps of ways of being published in this day and age, I guess. This whole blogging thing, if you think about it, is just about heaps of people writing and publishing their own columns, like those in newspapers. Except that you need to be quite prolific to be offered a newspaper column - but with blogging no one's going to stop you from publishing anything you want.

You don't have to be a wordsmith to have a blog. I think everyone - every blogger - has their own distinct style of writing and if you go round copying other people's styles, you're not going to get very far. Be original, I guess, is the way to go.

Having said all that, though, having your words immortalised in hard copy print, just like our mutual friend John here has, is pretty cool. Perhaps for tomorrow he'll let me pick his brain and we can all learn a little bit more about the man behind the book.

(Promo: Get your copy of Sempadan Tanpa Seri at all good bookstores, or buy online via the link on your left)

And oh, happy 27th birthday, John. Have a good one. And keep checking your mailbox!

Joyeux Anniversaire, John!

7.42:41 AM Malaysia time. on the 24th September, Third Year of the Millenium. It will be another 16 hours 18 minutes and 19 seconds before the next day comes, which is going to be Thursday the 25th September 2003. Come midnight, I'll be another person. No, no.. I am not going to be a werewolf but much more worse than that. I am going to be a year older on every 25th September every year. Yeah.. (*sigh*). God's willing, I'll officially be labelled as 27 year old bloke tomorrow. It's my birthday. Happy birthday, me!

Scary, isn't it? When you think you are going to face the pretentious world out there, people will look at you and demand you to act with more maturity but the fact is that you feel that you are still a little boy (or little girl) in need of mummy's favour (or daddy's). (NOTE: It's a metaphor and not to be taken literally!)

I do feel exposed and vulnerable sometimes, especially when having conversation with older people and especially if they are somehow related to me. Why? Because they like to put me on the centre-stage of every conversation. And I am supposed to act and talk like a wise old man. Giving words of wisdom and all.

That is just not me... I liked to be treated ordinarily. Perhaps like my second cousin who's married at 21 and now at 24 he already has 4 kids and being politely ignored during family gatherings.

The fact that I haven't married yet gives the extra spice for my "uniqueness". And the conversation will always end up with the cliche question - "When are you going to get married?" which I'd like to tell them very much - "To hell with that question, If fate's willing sooner or later i am going to get married" - which of course I left the idea unsaid... (I have to act like a wise old man, remember?)

So I am going to be 27 now.. But I'm still playing games in my computer, I am still living in a care-free world. I am not irresponsible person but i feel I don't take many things seriously. I read motivational and biographies of some world leaders books with semi closed eyes but when it comes to the Lord of the Rings trilogy or Harry potter series, I read them with awe and devotion.

So where is my place in this big wide world, eh? What am I supposed to do to be accepted in a grown-up world?

I dunno, really. All I can think now is to make some resolutions which of course very lame considering my last year's resolutions are still not being fulfilled yet! So why bother doing the new ones?

Perhaps a new image? That is also lame because i am not 17 year old anymore...
Perhaps a new girlfriend? I don't have one at the moment so the question is ruled out!
Perhaps by becoming more mature? er.. er.. er.. er... nice question but how exactly!

Any way, I'll leave this question unanswered until a time comes when I feel I am mature enough to find the answer. But Please give an advice if you have one. That will be most welcomed by this soul named John who is still searching the meaning of being a grown-up... (at 27? hehe)...

ANNOUNCEMENT 1: Tomorrow there will be a very, very, very BIG SURPRISE. Not a birthday cake but some surprise. What is that surprise? U have to wait a little bit longer, I'm afraid.....

TOP FIVE

Eh, Up Guys? I compiled these lists after a conversation with a very good friend of mine. Very good indeed... No particular reason though. It just that I’d love to share something, which is dear to me with people I call friends...


Top 5 most sad songs during my 26 years life on earth.

1.Why does it always rain on me – Travis
2. Creep – Radiohead
3. Wonderwall – Oasis
4. That I would be good – Alanis Morissette
5. Don’t Cry – Guns N Roses

Top 5 most inspirational songs during difficult periods of my life.

1. I believe I can Fly – R Kelly
2. High – Light House Family
3.Walking on sunshine – Katrina and the waves
4. Weather with you – Crowded House
5. Town Called Malice – The Jam

Top 5 Malay songs that I won’t forget for the rest of my life

1. Harapan – Wings
2. Layar Impian - Ella
3. Seribu tahun takkan mungkin – BPR
4. Sentuhan Kecundang – Ekamatra
5. Hakikat Sebuah Cinta – Iklim

Top 5 most Depressed songs (which I hate to listen but end up wanting for more!)

1. Dr. Baker – The Beta Band
2. Yellow submarine – The Beatles
3. Lollipop – O.S.T. Stand By Me
4. I love to boogie – T-Rex
5. Space oddity – David Bowie

Top 5 girlish songs (Which is highly recommended after listening to top 5 depressing songs!)

1. Thank You - Dido
2. As I lay me down – Sophie B hawkins
3. Viva Forever – Spice girls
4. Things will never be the same again – Melanie C
5. Fly like a bird – Nelly Furtado

Top 5 oldies that I keep safely in my MP3 songs’ lists

1. Mrs. Robinson – Simon and Garfunkel
2. Stand By Me – Ben E King
3. Hey Jude – The Beatles
4. I wanna hold your hand – The Beatles
5. He’s my brother – The Hollies

Top 5 most played songs in my car

1. In My Place - ColdPlay
2. Your body is wonderland – John Mayer
3. There There – Radiohead
4. Feel – Robbie Williams
5. Run away train – Soul Asylum


Top 5 songs during those lazy Saturday mornings

1. Stand By Me - Oasis
2. How Soon Is Now – Love Spit Love
3. Dying Inside To Hold You – Timmy Thomas
4. Ode To My Family – Cranberries
5. May It Be – Enya (Because of the LOTR movies!)

Top 5 most favourite singers/groups

1. RadioHead
2. ColdPlay
3. Travis
4. Oasis
5. Crowded House

I wanted to tell you the story behind every song, yes indeed every song got their own little story. But then I decided not to, may be later. Any way, too much walking down the memory lane is not really good, eh?

So How about you? Any particular song?

I Do Believe in Magic! (..in your dreams!)

I am the ANTI-Durian Man! I am washed.. Drained and even exhausted of eating the king of fruits. I swear I wouldn't want to eat a single slice of Durian no more. Our relationship has ended. We don't have any common ground any more. We are thoroughly divorced! Errr... until I regained my love of eating Durian again!! ( Which isn't very long, I dare say!).

Well everything went according to plan actually. My two-days breakaway were the best holiday I had in months - Whether because I had none for months (Last month holiday to Tg Piai was excluded for the sole fact that I paid everything for two families - mine which was okay and my Aunt/Mak Long which wasn't okay because she's rich and bloody ignorance to pay her expenses!) or because I have eaten too much of these durians, or because of Arsenal-Man U game ended in a draw - That, I couldn't safely conclude.

But one fact remained - I have ventured to the realms of mystique last Sunday. Not in my wildest imagination have I thought of consulting a witch-doctor for my, say, perfect future wife. Darn! I would'nt resort to using magical charm to woo women I found on the streets. No Sir... But I did go searching for an answer with this method.. except it wasn't for me. It was for my sister.

Ever heard of this magical-malady PELALAU? Yes! P.E.L.A.L.A.U. My mum told me that if a woman does not get married and nobody wants her, then she may have been charmed by man who she has rejected earlier. This charm callled PELALAU will have the bad effect on the girl that no men will want to marry her and if she find a true love, that love will not stay long. I dunno the veracity of the claim. Even tried to find it in the web. All I could find was the alien words, presumably a PELALAU spell (?).

So to cut things short, my sister is 24 year old. She had strings of bad relationships for the past one year- she liked this boy but this boy didn't like her, she didn't like this boy but this boy liked like her and blah blah blah. And my mum suspected that she has been charmed by this PELALAU by one of the boys that she had met earlier on. And the witch doctor ( a he - seemed like a religious man, NOTE that!) agreed 130 %. He said that somebody had charmed my sister so that she wouldn't find any man who wants her as a wife. She will suffer for eternity unless the charm is broken.

Oh.. For God's sake, she's only 24.

I didn't believe a sh** of what he was saying. Yes, I do believe that God Almighty has created many creatures on earth (apart from Men, Jinn and animals), seen and unseen. I believe the unseen things but I just couldn't digest the idea of having this thing in our society any more.

Oh! By the way, If this PELALAU really exists, I do hope some body could teach me on how to make one.... I've got this girl in high school who always made laugh of me and hate me for nothing! Now is the time to teach her a lesson.

If she's still not married yet, THAT IS!!!

(NOTE: This is my personal view on magical things such as Pelalau, Voodo and stuff like that. Not that I downgrade some people who totally believe in it. They have their own reasons. Make your own judgement and Believe in God The Almighty..)

Have a nice weekdays ahead!


P/S 1: A friend of mine has just created her on blog. She is very new and I hope all of you can support her to keep on blogging in Kak Wati's Blog

Saving Private John

What to do today:-
1. On the gloomy side(s)- Arranging meeting between Engineers and Supervisor and to initiate the kick-off of my baby project - Development Flow Technology.
Kanban analysis and monitoring - which means somebody has to tolerate the CAPS lock words during the Yahoo Messaging Conversation later this evening! hehehehe!

2. On the bright side(s)- Less than 8 hours before the time clocking at 5.30 PM - meaning two days break-away is looming on the horizon!

What to do tomorrow:-
1. On the bright side(s)- Bacically going back to my hometown, or what Malaysians love to call it as "Balik Kampung" . Where to? Pontian - the southern-most-tip of the Asia Continent. A nice change from the dull weekdays.
We'll be going to Durian orchard and I will be employed as a part time GUARD to foresee any possible terror attack by squirrels and the likes and to investigate and hence to collect all the Durians that fall from the trees.

2. On the gloomy side(s)- I'll be the mosquitos' best friend within the next 24 hrs!
No TV? Aghhhh! - (I should've actually put it in the bright side's list but since I would be denied the opportunitty to watch X-Men, Jackie Chan Adventure, Justice League Animated series, and hence the gloomy side's list!)

What to do until Sunday 5 PM :-
1. On the bright side(s) - My dietry will change drastically - I think it's really refreshing to have "kampung food" or traditional Malay recipes such as Ulam (raw vegetables/leaves), and all sort of I don't-even-know-their-names-are cuisines. The best part is that - they are really fresh including the fishes here.

2. On the gloomy side(s) - My second job that I couldn't refuse - as a public driver for my mum. And basically we'll be visitting nearly every house in the village because we are somehow related to one another - That's freaky, you know!

Last note for these two days break away:- I am sure I'd be happy, meeting relatives and all, eating durians etc. The only thing I'd be questioning my self is whether I'd be having some decent rest during my break away...

Conclusion:- I really need one more day to rest before coming back to work next week.....

ENJOY YOUR WEEK END, FOLKS!

TV-Free World

I've got to tell you something. I can't figure out why but lately my definition of filling the time is detrimental. My consciousness is blinded by the disease that has plagued us since its invention more than 100 years ago - Addiction to TV.
I wish I had been living in a TV-Free World! Yes sir! That's my short term goal right now!!

I know I should be blamed for not utilising this piece of technology for good purpose. But then Television Broadcasters also need to be blamed for bringing quality programme to our homes (He he! Is not it true? Blaming others for one's problem is a pleasure!). Let's see my everyday schedule -

Monday - Friends the Final Season
Small Ville

Tuesday - Basically nothing much on TVs in all 3 countries - Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia

Wednesday - Fear Factor (revisited)
Charmed (Season 5)
CSI - Season 2
Buffy the Vampire Slayer


Thursday - 30 seconds of Fame
Bachelor season 3

Friday- Star search
Survivor - Coming UP this Friday

Saturday -X-Men the animated series (he!he!)
Extreme Make Over

Sunday - Jackie Chan the animated series (he!he!)
Justice League the Animated series (he!he! again!)

I don't know where to slot my "Bulletin TV3", "Majalah 3" or the much-talked "Misteri Nusantara" in my schedule above. I am screwed, man! My life has been sucked to nothingness.

But am I the only one? Some people I know made the routine of having dinner while watching telly which I think it is not healthy to the family institution itself. Wasn't it the conversation over dinner that brought us closer to our parents when we're young?

How about the violence conducts on TV?

And the SEX Part? No wonder there are so many cases involving sex-related crimes and killings to such an extent that we don't really care about them anymore. Why? Because they happened nearly everyday and they have become part of our daily lives - so common that we started to feel nothing anymore....

Of Course if you ask me again, there are also many good programmes out there such as the boring Chicken Soup for the soul and err.. the boring Chicken soup for the soul!

I would not touch the religious programmes here. Some I'd say very good indeed like the one I've watched several weeks ago - where the scholars successfully tackled the questions and hence gave their audience a satisfactory answers. But what about the rest? I'd say they are not meant for young people like me.. (no offense here..)

And because of that bloody telly, I now knew that in this month (or rather this week and next week), the whole world would be celebrating the TERRY FOX run event. Which makes you think - television is the best thing men ever invented (second to internet though) in promoting awareness and supports for the disable people.


So, here me out today. i want to make a vow to start limitting my time watching that bloody telly. I would do more reading instead of watching, I would socialising with people more frequent instead of living in my own world (and my TV set!), I would restart my unsuccessful Learn-YourSelf-FrenchLanguage program (which has been in dormant for 2 months now!) and if we have this family dinner, I would tell everybody to shut the bloody telly off and concentrate with family conversations.

Well (sigh with a smile..).. That will do for now...

O Dear God, Am I An Idiot?

Strange thing happened on the way home yesterday but I haven’t figured just yet whether my action was angelic or just a plain stupid.

It happened when I stopped in a petrol kiosk to refuel my car. That was the moment when a maroon TOYOTA UNSER van stopped near-by and then out came a young Chinese man smiling at me. He asked me if I could speak Malay or not. That was a very strange question but nonetheless I said yeah.

He babbled out loud about giving me a home theatre set without me paying him nothing. I got curious but still I told him that I didn’t want this so-called free set of home theatre. He insisted and even whisked me to go to his van to show me the thing that he has told me. Strange but true, THAT thing was there.

If my memory served me well, I think there were four big speakers with all these gadgets that I wasn’t familiar with (pardon me but I am not into home theatre thing!). He told me that these things would cost me around RM 3800. He said that he’d give me all of these for free and in return I should treat him (and his friend in the van) for a drink.

I was quite perplexed and asked him why he wanted to give these things to me when he could sell it to others. He said that his company has ordered these extra 7 boxes by accident and nobody knew about it. Okay, I said again. But why didn’t he sell it instead of giving me for free? He told me that he already got RM 14000 and he just tried to be generous.

I wasn’t going to back off just yet and told him that I did not drink any alcohol. He told me that it was okay but insisted that I need to give him and his friend RM 600 as a “treat”. I said I haven’t got any money and at last he told me RM 400 would do. He even boasted that either way I was winning the bargain. And he made me did Mathematics!

Reluctantly (?) I told him that I have no money and wanted to make a move now. He laughed at me and told me straight onto my face that I was so bloody stupid to not grabbing this once-in-a-life-time opportunity.

Oh! God, was I really that stupid? Was I the most idiotic person ever lived on planet earth? And was he really tried to be generous like what he had told me? I felt so sour through out the night, thinking of the WHAT IF possibilities with deep regret.

Right now I need some comforts and someone to wake me up and tell me that what had happened yesterday was a pure lie. And one more thing, please do tell me that I am not that stupid.

Later, then. (.... and still regretting!)

Where Is Your Manner, Young Man?

Except he wasn’t a young man anymore. I assumed he was in his mid 30. He was a bit skinny with pimples covering all over his face. He wore a decent tucked-in shirt matched with an ironed trouser. So he wasn’t an ordinary Joe or Harry that always creating problems or disturbing passing young women on the streets. Except that he was disturbing me. He gave me a problem.

Well, I went to the supermarket to buy some food for my cats last night. Everything was okay until when I was about to pay the items. I went to the nearest counter where there was nobody queuing up. But suddenly out of nowhere, came this guy running with his trolley beating me to reach the counter. I was perplexed and irritated at the same time. I was the first one supposedly to pay but he easily cut my queue. Even the sales-girl was looking at me, probably wanted to ask, “Your brother, is he?”

No he wasn’t my brother. And I didn’t want to associate myself with him in any given circumstances. Whatever.

Probably he was in an urgent errand that he couldn’t afford to lose even a second. Then he should have told me about it. I’d happily let him be gone first. I wasn’t going to bite him anyway. And he wasn’t my enemy but he has literally acted like one.

You might say, “ Come on John, you shouldn’t be angry with this guy – besides, he only got fewer items than yours!” Ah! Let me see if I could recall the things that he bought. Umm. He got this DYNAMO washing liquid, an aerosol spray, a big cooking oil bottle, a pack of red apples and some smaller items, which I could not be bothered to remember them. And what about me? – I bought THREE CANS OF CAT’S FOOD (Whiskas brand, Sea platter food – my cats just love it!). JUST 3 cans only and he wouldn’t give me any chance. What a pathetic moron he was!

And I do hope I’d meet him again in a battlefield where I could bomb him to pieces if he didn’t tell me why he acted like a juvenile yesterday.

Talked about developed nation, modernism and Vision 2020 but our societies’ manners are still in crude progress. Or you could say we have not progressing at all.

Maybe this is just an isolated case. An insignificant minion. But then, didn’t you recall to having seen people throwing rubbish from their moving vehicles? Or people throwing cigarettes buds or sweets wrapper unashamedly on the streets? Or how about spitting in the public area? And please God please, let’s us forget about our “memorable” public toilet for a while.

This thing always happened. Is it because this is the face of the real us? I’m sincerely hoping that it is not....

Moment of Truth, Well... for me at least!

Monday of all day comes again. I wish I was sitting comfortably in my chair on FRIDAY evening waiting patiently for the clock to turn 5.30 PM. On Monday morning thinking about Friday, already? Yes! That is my wildest imagination. My unprofessional behaviour! But come on now. How many of us REALLY love our job that we'd sacrifice everything in the name of that job?

This is millenium man! It's a modern world. There's only money that drives us to work everyday. Not that I'm complaining. At least that is what I am trained for. But is that all the purpose to our entire existence? Going to school (done!), going to college (done!), going to university and getting a degree (done!) and then finally find a suitable job that is related to your degree (or Masters or PhD)?

Not that I disagree that some of us really appreciate their job.

What I mean is that, can I tweak the whole education system to serve my ambition and my dream? Oh! Yeah, I think this engineering job sucks and I want to become an accountant or a doctor.. Or anybody from the architecture department interested in hiring me? No, I don't think so! Because I don't have that so-called qualification to be a good doctor, or a good accountant or a good architect although there are so many people out there who use false qualification(s) to take professional jobs and live happily ever after.

I think the education system should nuture our skills instead of made us studying some lessons which are less benificial to an adult world. I remembered learning this weird algebraic equation and still could not find out where it applies to my Industrial engineering job here. I am frustrated that they did not teach me about the 7 habits by Steven Covey or the Stress management or the Communication skills or the Presentation skills that clearly matter most in my adult world.

We are born and bred in an education system that gives more priority to an academic-oriented subjects rather than a skill-oriented subjects.


Oh! You must be saying after 20 years or so of schooling and now sitting comfortably in my chair, asking my subordinates to do this and that and on top of it all, getting paid 3-4 thousand permonth, I am still whining about my job? No! I am not trying to be a pain in the ass. I am just concern about my future and where it is going to take me 40 years (God’s willing) from now on. Am I going to be in the same old story – working until 70 year old, and not knowing by then where to spend the money because you are so old to do anything at all...

I might have to wait another 40 years to get the anwser, i guess....

One Humble Experience

Family outing today. Decided to play bowling after my two cousins came to our house this morning. My dad wasn't at home, so the six of us - Me, mum, my two sisters and my two cousins - headed to the nearest bowling alley to play some games of bowling.

You see, Between the six of us, I am the so-called most familiar in playing bowling. I even have my own ball. My average points are between 130-150. So there is no question who would win the game.

Ruled out my mum and my two sisters and we left with my two cousins. One of them has not even been to any bowling alley in his entire life. He has zero experience. A zilch. A nonentity! The other is okay and we've played several times together. And I am the one that teach him on how to play bowling.

But it ended up disastorously. We played two games and on both occasions, I was beaten mercilessly by both of them. My cousin "who was okay" won the first and the second was won by the other cousin who wasn't okay.

I was humbled by them. Guess it has made me a bitter person the whole day. And I swear to the God Almighty that I will not teach anybody to playing bowling no more.

So what is the lesson I learned today? Never believe in people who say that they have zero knowledge in anything. They are actually liars! They just want you to feel excited by the prospect of beating them, and not knowing that you are the one to be humiliated at the end.

So beware to all liars out there, I will take note anybody who says "I don't know, I've never done it before" or "You have to teach me these things, I know nothing!" and I will tell them the same thing - that I know nothing about the topic that we are talking about. So if I beat them or emerge as a winner at the end, it will be the sweetest revenge of all.....

ART CENTRAL

Emm.. An experiment on the way... I have uploaded some of my work (previously published in RELEXJAP e-group) and hope it will quench some readers out there. it was written in Malay, originally and I haven't got any plan to translate it to English.

The articles mainly talk about our desire of the world, how we see the world and whether it affecting our life. More like PRE CLUTTER WORLD (MALAY VERSION)

Enjoy! Only in ARTCENTRAL here!

CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL

No I don't drink, actually. I just use that title to remind me of an Oasis' song - one of my TOP 5 best band/artistes. Smoking? Yes but the last time I had one was on the 11th of August 2003. And since then I have stopped smoking. **Smiling**

So GUESS WHAT? I AM CELEBRATING THE WHOLE NEW ENVIRONMENT OF CIGARETTE-FREE WORLD. :-)

MY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF QUIT-SMOKING PROGRAM.

Welcome back JOHN to the innocent world that you left right after you started smoking. *Smiling again* Right now I'm giving my lung a break - free-flow of fresh air and fresh breath. And sense of proudness.

Having said that, I am not urging anybody to stop smoking. I know why people keep on smoking. I used to be a smoker, remember? Been there and done that! So keep on smoking you guys, until you tired of smoking! And Basically, I quit smoking because I'm really tired of it. Yes smoking is cool (Please don't disagree - this is what most smokers feel) but smoking also needs a lots of money. I don't know about others but I used to be an avid smoker. 1 and a half pack every day, and sometimes 2 packs a day. In Malaysia, standard price of 1 cigarette pack is RM 5. In my case I need RM 10 everyday. Translate that into 1 month (30 days) and you need AT LEAST RM 300 just for your cigarette consumption!

Why we smokers still waste our money buying this cigarette stuff, then? Because we NEED the cigarette. Because it relieves you from every day tension. Because it gives you sense of power. MALE ego. and not to mention cool!

But like I said, I suddenly tired of smoking. Money was not the issue. But I felt that I've become somewhat stagnant and exhausted. I didn't have that vigour of life any more. I was somehow lifeless. And the lingering funny smell that traumatised me. You see, I used to smoke Dunhill, and when I found the smell after smoking was very foul, I changed to Salem, then Mild Seven, the (Lastly) Salem Less smell and less smoke. But still the smell was there. Following me to every where I go.

THAT WAS WHEN I SAID TO MY SELF, "I AM QUITTING TODAY!". One month later ie. yesterday, I still haven't consumed any cigarette yet. Not a single one.

But my relationship with friends who smoke is still in good term. I'm still hanging out together with them but the urge to smoke has vanished from me. THANK GOD.

But please, if you have partner who is a smoker, or your stubborn husband-to-be who couldn't quit smoking, don't scold them and don't blame them. But you have to give them encouragement to reduce smoking. Remember one thing, just one thing - you cannot change people, people change because they want to not because they are forced to..

TO MY DEAR SMOKER FRIENDS OUT THERE*This is not self-confession of ex-smoker and I am not representing any NGO's or government body for Quit smoking campaign nor do i paid by your wives to do this.. Please don't blame me if your wife wants you to quit smoking* **smiling** But if you buy my thought you can read more on how to quit smoking.

Ah! And about the title above, this is the song by Oasis that I told you earlier. No memory, no attachment, no melancholic value, JUST a song....

Cigarettes And Alcohol - By Oasis (Taken from the album Definitely maybe)

Is it my imagination
Or have I finally found something worth living for?
I was looking for some action
But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line
Cos when it comes on top . . .

You gotta make it happen!

Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation
But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line
Cos when it comes on top . . .

You gotta make it happen!

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Interestingly, I had one of the biggest conversation of the century yesterday. Adrenaline stuff. It was during my teatime with some colleagues. Some FEMALE colleagues. The main topic was about men-women relationship. Here are the gists of the conversation:
1. Men are insensitive to women's feeling
2. Men are hypocrite and did not want to say "ILOVEU" to their spouse
3. Why men pay more attention to unimportant things like playing football while neglecting important stuff like house chores and shopping (!).
4. Men look at women because of the sex appeal but women look at men (and women) because they want to observe more subtle things like attitude and behavior - In other word - Men want sex, Women want relationship!!!

That was few things that I remembered. My brain didn't have the capacity to digest down all the degradation that was thrown to my kind. Heh! They wanted me to shoot back with the opposite arguments, starting a fiery attack on women, which I couldn't, not because men are incapable of giving intellectual arguments, but because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Heck, I didn't want to be called as MALE CHAUVINIST. My mum is a woman, my sisters are women-to-be and my future wife is DEFINITELY a woman. So it's fruitless to start one!

But let's be honest with ourselves. Men, Women do have differences. And they do possess some common things. Otherwise it wouldn't be so much fun to have a different gender as our soul partner, right?

And let's us - Men and Women - live in peace and harmony. Settle our diffences and we can make the world the better place. Oh! And that differences, try to live with it. I suggest to female friends to go shopping while their male counterpart watch football (or playing CM4 for that matter!).

Live in PEACE and only then we'll rest in PEACE!

Cheers!

She loves me, she loves me not

Last night I had dinner with my friend. He told me that he would be going for a blind date this coming weekend. He came across this girl through chatting in the net. They had this ongoing conversation for about two months before finally decided to see each other. He asked for my advice whether he should go or should not. I didn't know what to say. But I did tell him that this girl might be the dream girl that he had been waiting in his 26 years existence on this planet. At last, he agreed and would continue his plan to see this girl.

How ironic. I - never a believer in the internet love but gave an advice as if I believed in this whole thing. COME ON. Do you really believe in the internet love? For me it's very hard to understand people by looking at the expresionless words and that stupid smilies symbols. It's just doesn't sound right. Yeah, you might have some sort of attachment, but that attachment is based on your imagination rather than real life situation.

Example, this girl, named Angelina Jolie. You've been chatting with her for about a month now. You don't know her. You don't have her picture. You have this rapport conversation and deep inside your freaking mind, you'd develop another female character to assist your internet-relationship with this girl. Who else will suit you better than the Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie? See, that's what I'm trying to say.

You'll never find your dream girl in the net. Sorry If I'm being rude. It just that this thing never happened to me before. NOT YET ANYWAY.

But then again, I might be wrong. If internet love isn't true, How come Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fallen in love in the movie YOU'VE GOT MAIL? Surely the director, or the producer or someone related to them or probably the actors themselves have had this kind of experience before. So if it is true, then internet love does exist. I rest my case..

P/s: I've got mail this morning from MIS dept (whose taking care of the internet system in my company) warning everbody about the emergence of the newest mail-virus - ILOVEYOU (VBS.LOVELETTER). Hmmm.. even the "internet love" is hurting people like real life loves do...

Reality bites, Lies and Loyalty

Honestly , I am a bit surprised of myself. For more than a week since 28.08 until now, I have been playing Championship Manager 4 (CM4). And Yes Sir! I have been playing it nearly 24 hrs except when I'm working in the office.

I knew it! I knew it! Once i've started CM4, I could'nt stop. For those who addictive to European football and they dream so hard to be a football Manager like Sir Alex Fergusson, the I-don't-like-him Arsene Wenger and the rest, this is their lifetime chance to actually manage a team of talented players like Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Ronaldo, Zidane, Figo, Roy Keane, Thiery Henry etc etc in their hands.

It started when some genius worked together to create a game named CM1 back in 92. Not much a hit. But then the MOTHER of all games was released. The GOD of games - Championship Manager 2 (CM2). I was in Manchester that time. And I was hooked playing that game like hell. Sometimes I played and played and was so tired that I didn't go for my class the following day. Yeah I know.. bad influnce but I just couldn't help it :-)

Then one day (It was summer of 97 i think when me and my mates were planning to go to Amsterdam) I said to myself - that's it you little devil. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I had enough. And with that, I parted with CM2 (with great reluctance like a drug addict who is forced to stop taking drugs!!!).

And this CM4 is the latest reincarnation of its predecessor. You see, It came in February this year. And I managed to keep my distance from CM4. But in an X-Files way, (that was on the 28.08.03 - some say the alien came to earth on that day, so it must be the alien then!!) an unknown forces dragged me to PC games shop and made me stood transfixed nearly 20 minutes in front of the shelves where they put the CM4 cover. And when the sales girl came to me and asked me what did i want, everything that I did to hide from CM for the past 5 years came to an end. I did ASK for the copy of CM4. Any way, I have to buy something, Ain't I? Otherwise she might think I was a freaking lunatic if I just stood there for 20 minutes without doing nothing!

Still I was quite confident that I could dodge the bullet of this CM4. Why? If Neo of the Matrix could do it, then I definitely could. But then the urge came to install CM4 in my laptop with the conviction of deleting it the next day. Ouch! That was when I made the mistake. CM4 was so much better than CM2 that I PROMISED my self to play JUST ONE GAME before deleting it. Ummpphh.. It didn't go as planned. Damn it. And now I am an officially CM4 addict. Full Stop.

Why do we sometimes engaged to something so excessively to the extent that we prefer THAT something over the rest of the world? Is this a natural human desire to dream of something when they know that they will not get it except by dreaming? Take my case, I love football and I want to be the next Sir Alex Fergusson - a successful football manager. I want to have Van Nistelroy, Thiery Henry, Ronaldo, Figo, Ronaldinho, Ballach, Kahn playing in one team. In reality, That is impossible. The only solution is to play CM4 where you can be the no 1 manager on Planet Earth with dozens of football maestro in your team. Am I hallucinate things? OR just an innocent victim to the latest PC Gaming carnage?

Another thing (two things actually) captured my conscience this morning when I was driving to work. I was listening to BBC world Service radio (living in Malaysia - that's the only connection to UK!) when the news about Iraq and the US president George W Bush came. He said that United Nations had a "responsibility" to take on an expanded role in the country. Earlier in the news, Mr. Bush has been been critisised for conflating the issues of Iraq and terrorism.

What? Is this a sign of giving up or realisation that they could not cope up with the overwhelming budget of reconstructing Iraq?

I am not a terrorist supporter and not condemning any nation here but my point is - We seem to have lost our sense of judgement by doing something that is not right. We are destroying our beloved mother earth right before our own eyes!

Well, that's the way of the world isn't it. Making excuses and all. Telling lies. Just like the GOOD politicians. So are we in our every day life. How many times we lied for the past one month? None? How about excuses? Can we use it in the expense of morality?

The second thing is about loyalty. I was really shocked like all of the Manchester United suppoters out there to receive the news of Peter Kenyon resignation earlier this morning ( Malaysia time). Worse of all, he resigned and went to Chelsea FC. I just could not hide my frustration here. He was red all along, and now he has switched allegiance. You should be ashamed of yourself! Shame on you Peter Kenyon! :(

Can we simply walk away from the one we loved because it is time to move on?

Between reality bites, lies and loyalty... I just could not hide my sense of discontentment. And they always say about Monday Blues. Well, I am having a Tuesday Blues today....

Cheers!

Are you affecting other people’s life?

I went to the Cyber Cafe (CC) on Saturday evening to update my web log. (For those who are not Malaysian and don’t know what Cyber Cafe really is, I’ll tell you. It is a place or rather a shop that provides internet services to customers. Didn’t I have the internet connection at home? – that is another story to be told later...). Darn it! I couldn’t access my Clutter World Blog site. Even the main blogger site was inaccessible. Worse still, I went to another Cyber Cafe – not one but two CCs but was to no avail either. It seemed that all the computers could not recognise the name BLOG and CLUTTER WORLD (though it appeared in google and Yahoo search) and these two names were somehow a taboo- not to be mentioned and not to be found by anybody. Darn again! I was exhausted to the core, literally.

And this guy sitting next to me (The third CC – my last attempt to see whether I could connect to my blog site or not) was having the best time of his life. Guess what? He was surfing the pornographic site! He didn’t care that I was sitting near to him and might see what he was up to and he didn’t care the slightest bit that I might shout and tell the CC’s owner that this guy has done something illegal here (in Malaysia – extremist/political views and pornographic sites are illegal in CC).

Off course I didn’t do nothing. But what if I do something? Telling the CC’s owner that somebody has done something illegal in his shop or telling that guy that he should stop surfing immediately at the least.

What is the consequence afterwards? Are we going to have the biggest quarrel of our life? Or would he just smack me? or worse would he kill me? and if I’m killed, would my mum and dad kill him in revenge? Then, are they going to jail my mum and dad for the hideous crime that they do in my name?

But he went out few minutes later. I didn’t know where he was going. To another CC perhaps, or going back home or maybe, just maybe, a drunk lorry driver has just killed him in the most gruesome accident of the century. Perhaps, the moment he stepped out from that CC, he has put in his mind that he’s going to be a pimp after all. And this happened because I did not stop him. All of these happened because I did not tell him anything.

SEE? You are affecting other people’s life whether you want it or you don’t. It will surely happen. And this is fate. Something that you are not capable of changing it. FATE IS...

And yesterday, me and my mum and my two sisters went to a wedding ceremony. My sister (the eldest between the two) was having the crisis of her life – she just broke up with her boyfriend. She told me that her boyfriend was useless, taking her money and stuff.

I am not taking sides here but something popping in my mind suddenly. Do we have the right to hurt other people’s feeling? Who are we to judge people’s attitude toward us? Why can’t we mind our own business? And the most important question is – What is the justification that we take that we feel it’s right to mess up other people’s life?

It is not the question of morality. It is about you. It is about how you deal with the world and people outside. Remember that we are not going to live in the north pole (or south pole if you'd prefer that!). We are BOUND to see people every moment of our lives. And all of these Tom and Jerry and Mary will have an impact upon our lives whether we like it or not, positively or negatively, small or big. It doesn't matter who will benefit at the end. What really matters is the paradigm that you want people to see when they look at you - bad or good.

And that's what really matters.

WORDS OF TRIUMPH

With the help of my dear cyber friend (which i haven't met YET, ironically) I managed to put the picture of my first novel onto the blog. The best thing is that - you don't need to click anything as the picture is already there. THANKS A LOT IDLAN! You've make my life happier!

So this IDLAN, whom I haven't met, is actually a total stranger to me. Do I know her real name? I think i know but I have forgotten now. I don't even know her father's name. What she likes, what she hates.. I am oblivious to all of these facts. Except that I knew that she is studying in Lancaster University. and ANOTHER fact worth a note - she is like my long-lost bestfriend!

And that is her. Thanks again. Zillion of thanks.

Now I think I need to stop here before I become to melancholic :-)

P/s: I am nearly finishing this HTML codes thingy , which means that I am going to be a computer expert sooner than i thought ( if only I could understand the words of it!!)

goodies

I should not meddle with the affair of the world... err.. HTML Codes

Ding! What an inspiration to start a day. I am a knobhead. I am a d****head. I am a failure in the computer programming thingy. I should have killed myself and should be reborned as a computer genius and hacked as many computers as possible. Only then I would be satisfied. But then something strucks me. I am not a computer genius, right? Meaning that I am not a geek. And surely am not a nerd!! That's soothing.. (Ho! Ho! Ho! Self escapism and excuses are blinding my consciousness...)

Well, the truth is that - I am in the middle of publishing, re-publishing my blog. You can see several changes now such as the hit counter and the picture of my first novel. And that pasting the picture (with the HTML codes) is the damnest thing I've ever done. I could see it in my own PC but when surfing my friends' PC, the only thing came out is the blank x-thing-in-a-square with the word "behold the majestic STS". And that sucks. Putting the STS cover in my blog is not for my own pleasure. IT IS FOR EVERYBODY TO SEE IT.

As the first method failed miserably (honestly, I still could not figure out, why oh why it appeared only in my PC but not others!), I used a link to the picture, so that when somebody clicks the word "behold the majestic STS" they would be taken to the picture itself. It works, but again it is only with my PC and not others. Grrr...

Any way, I should be smiling now (or forced to smile) because I am halfway through reading the HTML codes tips etc. So I hope by the end of the week, I'd become the computer expert. And hopefully by then I wouldn't be bothered by small problem like this. Fingers cross....

Now, now.. some words of wisdom here..

Hi all just want to share something with you all today.. I found this funny and very amusing... Good if you dont have anything to do!

LOST,LOST

Suddenly ME

Welcome to the virgin territory of a weblog..

I do apologise for the sense of "crudeness" that would crept unto you once you log in to my CLUTTER WORLD! The fact that I just stumbled upon a weblog a few weeks ago and have read two of them constantly since then could not stop my curiousity from writing my own blog. Heck, I don't even know what to write here. My weirdest fantasy? Stupidest dream that would not come true? OR the intriguing life of an (boring) engineer also known as wannabe-writer? Perhaps a little bit of my self, my dreams and everythin' condense into one small thought? Yeah the latter seems appropriate.

So should I tell everythin' about me? Well, okay if you really want to know. My name's JOHN NORAFIZAN. Just JOHN will do, actually. I am a MALAY origin and currently living in Malaysia. Well, you can say it is sort of a homerun to me. Why? Because through out my entire life, this is the first time i live close to my family. You see, I was "abducted" by the Government Education System that forced me to stay in the boarding schools. MANY boarding schools. Not that I was a very, very bad boy.. No! I was gifted or so i thought :-) And they let me stayed in the boarding schools until I flew to the UK in 1995 to further my study in SALFORD UNIVERSITY, MANCHESTER.

I was a vagrant, a loner if you like the expression. May be too independent.. But that did not mean that I did not have a close relationship with my parents. I was very particular about family and stuff like that. You could not have any more closer friendship than the one that you have with your mum and dad - at least that was what i thought few years ago. And great mates, yeah... Life was not life if you did not have any friend.

And now, I am still holding the same views that I held few years ago. Family and friends should come first in your life. No matter what... no matter hard it is..


I think that will do for today..

Until we meet again... Cheers!